


to see you without closing my eyes

by aimerai



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Dreamsharing, Fluff, M/M, Multi, Stupidity, and other huskies players, some mention of family members
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-16 15:21:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19320841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aimerai/pseuds/aimerai
Summary: Phil starts dreaming of his soulmate when he’s sixteen.





	to see you without closing my eyes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [love_stella](https://archiveofourown.org/users/love_stella/gifts).



> title slightly adapted from madison beer's all for love.  
> ash, i hope you enjoy this attempt at an non-traditional soulmates au <3

Phil starts dreaming of his soulmate when he’s sixteen. There’s no set age for it; there’s some who grow up speaking to their soulmate, and there’s others who cross major life milestones before they even get a whisper of someone else’s thoughts in their dreams. There’s theories out there, about mental maturity and mental bonds, but there’s no conclusive evidence either way. Every bond is unique. Phil doesn’t care; he has hockey and his friends and his soulmate is just one of those things he thinks of nebulously as being part of his future, like kids and a dog. Maybe two dogs, he hasn’t decided yet. He has time, though, and that’s what’s most important.

His soulmate has a kind voice and speaks pretty softly. Neither of them can say anything to expose their identities yet, the words just never coming out understandable, but they both love hockey, and that’s perfect for Phil. He wants to make it to the NHL, even if he still has a long way to go to even be considered good enough, and he doesn’t know if his soulmate loves hockey like that, but his soulmate cares enough, the two of them ending up at ice rinks or frozen ponds more often than not. His soulmate also has siblings—three of them. Phil doesn’t have names for them yet, but that’s how soulmates work, after all. You don’t get to know anything concrete until you get to know each other. But his soulmate is kind, and his soulmate’s face is made for smiling, even if Phil can’t remember more than the impression of a face—crinkles by their eyes and a deadly smirk. 

And it’s nice to have something like that to carry with him when he’s playing hockey so far from home, to see his soulmate once or twice a week. It makes him feel a little less homesick. His team is nice, and hockey is great, but he’s just not playing all that well and he knows it. There’s always an adjustment period, but he knows he’s always better the nights after he sees his soulmate. This looks like it’s going to be one of those nights, the two of them in an empty ice rink, echoing. 

“Don’t you get enough of this in the daytime?” His soulmate asks, laughing, eyes glittering with mischief. 

“This was you; I came in after you,” Phil protests, laughing along despite himself as he starts skating in slow circles around the rink, the skates already on his feet and tightened just how he likes them. “It’s not always me. How are you?” 

“I’m always good,” his soulmate says. “How about you? Are you going home soon?”

Phil’s soulmate knows he plays hockey. Not what team or what level; they’ve only just gotten to the point where they can talk to each other and learn the names of some friends and siblings. So Phil’s soulmate doesn’t really know where Phil’s from, though, or when Phil goes home, because Phil can never talk to him about his schedule. But his soulmate is smart enough to put together that Phil’s playing far from home to play hockey and maybe connect the dots to realize Phil’s in the Q.  It’s far likelier that he thinks Phil is playing for a school team. 

“I am. Not for long, but I am,” Phil says, and he knows he sounds really happy, but it’ll be good to see his parents and his friends. He’s soft, but his soulmate knows that.

“Bet you’re excited,” his soulmate says wistfully. 

His soulmate also lives away from home, and Phil’s pretty sure it’s for university. Either way, his soulmate lives far away enough that they can’t go home very often, but still try to visit every few months. His soulmate loves their family a lot, too, and Phil already knows they’re going to get along well when they actually meet, based on these things alone.

“I miss my parents,” Phil admits shyly. “I love hockey, but—”

His soulmate’s smiling. “Yeah. I know. And it sucks with my siblings, because their brother is always away.”

“Brother?” Phil repeats. 

He’s not surprised, but he’s not not surprised. He’d suspected it already, but the confirmation is some kind of surprising anyway. His feet have stopped moving, and his soulmate has stopped with him, turning to face Phil. It doesn’t have to mean anything, when more soulmates are platonic than romantic, but Phil does look at his soulmate sometimes and want, so it does mean something. He’s not sure he knew that about himself, but it was one of those things tucked away in a corner of his head, so he must have known, to some extent. 

“Why?” His soulmate asks, head tipped to the side. His hair is flopping over his forehead, and his eyes are the same warm they always are. 

“I didn’t know you were,” Phil says simply. 

Lets his soulmate put it together, because his soulmate is smart enough for it. His soulmate blinks, and his eyelashes flutter, and sooner than it would’ve taken Phil, for sure, he comes up with it. “Is it going to be a problem?”

“No,” Phil says, too quick, out in a rush. “Never.”

His soulmate smiles, soft and sweet and just a little shy, and offers Phil his hand. Phil takes it, of course, interlaces their fingers together. His soulmate has calluses in the same places that Phil does, and his hand is warmer than Phil’s. Phil just knows he’s starting to turn pink. “Can we keep skating, then?” he asks, in an attempt to distract from whatever embarrassing thing his face is doing.

His soulmate’s smirking at him now. “You really haven’t had enough of it yet?”

“No,” Phil says, holding his soulmate’s hand just a little tighter. “But you’re the one who put us here.”

“You caught me,” his soulmate says, and they’re skating again, slow circles, getting more in-sync as they go on. “But you never complain.”

“It’s you, so why would I?” Phil says, and then he blushes. 

His soulmate turns to him a little and bites his lower lip. “Soft.”

“Shut up,” Phil says, but he doesn’t let go of his soulmate’s hand, spending the rest of their dream idly chatting about their families and their plans while skating.

* * *

Phil’s not entirely sure how he made friends with Lauz, but he’s fun to hang out with, even if he’s practically local. He knows Lauz has brothers who also play hockey, and he knows Lauz has a soulmate, because he’s pretty open about it even though he’s also still in the early stages of the process. He’s utterly unlike Phil, who still hasn’t told anyone and is, in fact, incredibly nervous about telling anyone, because soulmates can be platonic, often are platonic, but Phil’s feelings about his soulmate currently aren’t platonic in the slightest. Phil knows that anyone would pick up on it if he ever started talking about his soulmate, and he doesn’t think he could play the pronoun game all that well. Lauz has no such compulsions, telling Phil about how he went out on a boat with his soulmate in his dreams last night even though they’re technically supposed to be having a marathon of The Office. 

It’s sweet that he’s so excited. “You must feel like you won the soulmate lottery.”

“I did,” Lauz says, his enthusiasm toned down into an almost unbearable sincerity. “Don’t you? Or have you not met yours yet?”

“No, I’ve met mine. I just don’t dream of them that often, so I don’t really know anything,” Phil says, trying to keep his tone as neutral as possible. It’s not that he thinks Lauz isn’t trustworthy—Lauz is one of his best friends on the team, and they’re planning to keep in touch this summer, when everyone scatters back to their own towns in a couple of months, if they’re lucky and go all the way to the Mem Cup finals. 

“It’s still exciting, right?” Lauz asks. 

Phil nods. “I’m one of the first to start dreaming, compared to my friends back home.”

“Yeah, me too, but it runs in the family. No one was really surprised at all. They’re probably even expecting me to fall in love with my soulmate, like my parents did.”

“And you don’t want that?” Phil asks. His parents aren’t soulmates, but he knows that they love each other. Besides, soulmates are a lot more about compatibility than love; it’s just that the media loves to talk about romantic soulmates. 

Lauz’s smile is a little bit breathtaking. “No, I think I do. I like what I see so far, you know?”

Yeah, Phil knows, but he’s still too uncomfortable to say anything about it. He just shrugs, but Lauz seems to be okay with that. 

“So then why the hesitation?” 

Lauz sighs. “I just don’t like that people are already kind of expecting that from me, you know? Because I don’t know that much yet; it might turn out that we are platonic, considering most soulmates are. But seriously, it’s not that important right now, not when I don’t even have a name or a face or anything.”

“I think you can fall in love without all of that,” Phil says, his mouth betraying him. 

Lauz blinks and stares at Phil. It’s quiet for a long moment, but then he smiles. “You’re probably right about that.”

Phil knows his face is burning, but he can’t help it, not when he’s the poster child for someone falling in love with their soulmate before learning any of the rest of it. 

* * *

Phil brings his soulmate to his house in their shared dream, sitting in the familiar kitchen.

"How's Amélie?" Phil asks, when his soulmate finally joins him, taking the chair across from him. 

His soulmate laughs, and it’s really nice, the kind of thing that makes Phil want to keep him laughing. "I haven't seen her much because of university, but I'm visiting on the weekend."

"You must be excited," Phil says. 

"I am. I don't know if she will be," his soulmate says, running a hand through his hair. 

"But you're her brother," Phil says. 

His soulmate has three siblings, but he always seems to be fondest of Amélie, the youngest, while pretending he isn’t and loves them all equally. 

His soulmate shrugs, the expression in his eyes a little distant as he slouches in his chair. “I mean, yeah, but I’m also away all the time.”

“It’s not like you can help that, though,” Phil says. “I miss my family all the time, but I call them every day so that it’s not so bad that I'm so far away.”

“You’re so cute,” his soulmate says, smiling, reaching out for Phil’s hand and intertwining their fingers. 

Phil knows he’s blushing, and by the way his soulmate’s smile turns into more of a smirk, he’s sure his soulmate can see it, too. His soulmate brings their intertwined hands closer to him and presses a quick kiss to the back of Phil’s hand, and Phil’s face feels like it’s going to melt off. 

“You’re so—” Phil starts and then can’t finish, overwhelmed. 

“Too much?” his soulmate asks, concerned in the blink of an eye.

Phil shakes his head, not willing to say it in words. His soulmate’s grin is blinding and Phil’s feelings can probably be seen from outer space. His soulmate lets it go, talking about his weekend plans instead, but he holds Phil’s hand the entire time. 

* * *

Phil’s friendship with Alex Fortin doesn’t come up out of nowhere, but sometimes it feels like it. They’re both quiet whenever soulmates come up in the Huskies locker room, which is noticeable when soulmates come up in the Huskies locker room so much, and Phil’s pretty sure that’s what started their friendship, even if neither of them are actually willing to talk about it being part of the reason they bonded. Alex, like Phil, never contributes to those locker-room wide conversations, not like Jér, who tends to be pretty free about talking about his soulmate, even though he’s known them for at least two years. Right now it’s just Alex and Jér and a few of the other guys watching an action movie with next to no plot because they have nothing better to do and no real desire to go to sleep yet, especially considering they’re going to be on the bus for hours still tomorrow. 

“What do you know about your soulmate?” Alex asks Jér, loud enough that Phil blinks at them, distracted from the screen. He’s not the only one, Sam and JC are definitely both paying attention. It’s a little out of character for Alex to talk about soulmates, but Phil’s sure Jér is the one who started the conversation.

"Well, first thing, I have two," Jér says, slowly. 

"Two?" Sam asks curiously. "How do you know?" 

"Different circumstances. One's an only child, like Phil," Jér says, flashing a quick smile at Phil. "It took me months to figure out because one is quiet. I don’t know if they’re each other’s like they are mine, but they’re mine, at least."

"I can't believe you need two people to handle you," Alex laughs, but it’s fond, accompanied by a relatively gentle elbow to Jér’s ribs. 

"I just have more love to give," Jér smirks. "I wish it weren't taking so long to know them, though."

JC snickers. “Patience, young grasshopper.”

Jér glares at him and throws one of the pillows from the mound right by him. “Just because you’ve already found yours.”

JC dodges out of the way and it hits Nants instead. Nants was probably not even paying attention to their conversation, but considering that the two of them are not even subtle about being soulmates, he probably knows what’s going on anyway. “Don’t be mean to Lauz,” he tells JC. 

Jér smirks triumphantly, but Nants continues. “He can’t help being slow about finding his soulmates.”

“That’s a foul,” Alex says, but he’s grinning a little. “I’m going to make Perry fine you for that.”

Jér’s pouting for show, so his feelings probably aren’t hurt, and Alex is knocking their shoulders together in an obvious show of solidarity. Phil still asks him about it later, when the three of them are going back to their rooms. 

“You’re okay, right? With JC and Nants?” Phil asks, voice soft. 

“Yeah,” Jér says, and his face is soft. “I don’t actually see either of my soulmates that often, so I think we’re just meant to be going slow.”

Alex sighs a little. “Same.”

“What’s yours like?” Phil asks, because he knows about Jér, but Alex has never talked about his. Phil hadn’t even known that Alex dreamed about his soulmate, but it seems to be a night for revelations.

Alex’s smile isn’t one of his blazing, exuberant ones, but it’s soft and fond and Phil can tell, already, that he’s a little in love with his soulmate. Not everyone is, not every soulmate is romantic, but this one definitely is. He’s still quiet for a moment before he talks. “Sweet. He really cares about his family, and I think he plays hockey, too. He used to, anyway.”

Phil knows it’s a show of trust, telling him and Jér. “Lucky. Could you imagine being soulmates with someone who didn’t like hockey when most of your life right now is hockey?”

Alex pulls a face, but he also relaxes a little, now that he knows Phil won’t be a dick about his soulmate. Phil could tell him, too, that they’re in the same situation, but he doesn’t feel comfortable enough yet. 

“Someone who hates hockey would’ve been unbearable,” Jér says. “I dream about hockey rinks half the time, you know?”

Phil knows, of course. After all, isn’t that what he’s doing?

* * *

This dream they end up in Phil’s driveway. Phil's trying to fix the hockey net so they can play a pickup game of street hockey, like he always has to whenever they dream themselves here, and his soulmate seems to have found the ever-present sidewalk chalk.

“How’s your brother doing?” His soulmate is doodling aimlessly with the chalk while Phil continues to fiddle with the net. 

“My brother?” Phil asks. His hands have tangled in the netting; he can’t make them move, and his eyes are similarly stuck to his soulmate now. 

“You said he got hurt in a hockey game,” His soulmate replies, looking up at Phil, pausing his drawing. “You sounded so worried.”

“I don’t have a brother,” Phil says distantly. What are the odds, that this happens when they’d been discussing it earlier, the idea of multiple soulmates?

His soulmate’s eyes widen. “What do you mean you don’t have a brother?”

“I’m an only child,” Phil says, echoing something he’s told his soulmate before.

“I—no you’re not,” his soulmate protests, looking bothered. His eyes look grey today, turbulent. “You’re the oldest. You have three siblings, and you spoil Amélie the most.”

“That’s you,” Phil says, automatically. “You spoil Amélie the most, and you’re always really excited to visit her on university breaks.”

“I don’t go to university; my sister Amélie does,” his soulmate replies. 

“You said Amélie was your youngest sister,” Phil says, through lips gone numb. There’s a realization starting, somewhere, unpleasant like cold water trickling down his spine. He’s done the Ice Bucket Challenge before; this is worse, zipping down his spine. 

“She’s the oldest,” his soulmate says, discomfited. 

“There’s someone else,” Phil says. 

Phil’s soulmate—one of Phil’s soulmates—huffs out a breath. “And it’s the same for both of us.”

Phil swallows and nods. “I think so. So you’re telling me you both have sisters named Amélie?”

“There’s a lot of Amélies; it’s a common name,” his soulmate mutters. “But—it’s weird.”

“What’s weird?” Phil asks, and tries not to feel defensive. 

“I just—I was talking about multiple soulmates recently. One of my friends has two,” his soulmate says, biting his lip redder. 

“So was I, actually,” Phil mutters. “I can’t even tell him about this; we made fun of him for having two. One of my friends was joking about him being assigned two people to handle him.”

His soulmate sucks in a breath and it goes down wrong, leading to a cough attack. “Fuck, no, we had that same exact same conversation.”

Phil reaches the same conclusion only seconds after his soulmate does. “We’re on the same team, aren’t we?”

“It’s looking likelier than not,” his soulmate says tartly, before coughing again. “You must know who I am by now.”

Phil doesn’t know the name that’s coming out of his mouth until it fully does. “Hi, Alex.”

“Hi, Phil,” Alex says, somewhat awed. “I’ll see you when you wake up, now go.”

Phil wakes up too early in the morning, at about 5am, and can’t even think about going back to sleep. Honestly, he can barely stay in the house long enough to brush his teeth and text his billets that he’s going out with Alex, considering that they’re both asleep right now and would probably not see a note on the fridge first thing in the morning. He doesn’t bother changing or getting breakfast because he has to see Alex in person. Alex has apparently had the same idea, because as Phil is fishing out his car keys and opening the door, he comes face to face with Alex.

“I was going to text,” Alex blurts out. “I didn’t know if you were awake yet.”

He looks about as disheveled as Phil, wearing a coat and sweatpants and boots, his hair a complete mess. 

“I—let’s get breakfast,” Phil says, and yanks on his coat as quickly as possible. 

Alex nods, but he’s staring at Phil’s face like he’s never seen it before. “I didn’t dream it up, right?”

“I mean, technically we did, but your oldest sister is Amélie, and you don’t exactly get along with your siblings all the time, not like our other soulmate,” Phil says. 

“We’ve never dreamed all together,” Alex says, softly, biting his lower lip. “Or we would have known.”

Phil’s brain hurts a little, aligning Alex and Alex’s face with his soulmate’s mannerisms. It only matches up sometimes, but then again, there’s a whole other person that’s part of this equation. 

“We’ll tell him. Whichever one of us sees him next,” Phil promises. 

Alex nods, searching Phil’s face for something. Phil is going to blush if Alex keeps staring at him like that, but Alex seems to find what he’s looking for, because he wraps Phil in a suffocating hug. “I’m really, really glad it’s you,” he says. 

Phil hugs him back automatically, just as tight. “Me too.”

It’s true, even if Phil is still putting it together, that Alex is one of the men in his dreams, his memories starting to fill in Alex’s face and mannerisms. 

Alex is beaming and Phil’s face feels hot. It doesn’t make it easier that he knows his soulmate in person, not when he knows what Alex’s face and voice do when he talks about his soulmate.

* * *

Alex, Phil is learning, is a menace. Now that he knows, he touches Phil all the time, casually, nothing inappropriate, but still. They’re going to get found out one of these days, and it’s not going to be Phil’s fault. They still don’t dream together with their other soulmate, who Alex broke the news to, but dreaming together is an entirely novel experience now that they know who they are. And if Alex is touchy in reality; he’s even worse in their dreams, completely shameless about touching Phil and getting Phil to touch him back. 

This time, they’re in what Phil knows is Alex’s bedroom here in Rouyn. Alex is starfishing across his bed, the comforter rumpled around him. 

“Are you more asleep than here? Should I leave you to actually sleep?” Phil asks, amused. 

Alex sits up in one mostly fluid movement, grinning brightly at Phil. “I’m opportunistic,” he announces. “And this is comfortable.”

It’s not like Phil doesn’t know where they’re heading, definitely more romantic than platonic. He still remembers the way Alex had talked about his soulmate when he thought it was just one, and nothing has changed since he found out it was two. He knows, now, that Alex is the one who tends to kiss the back of his hand whenever they’re holding hands and the one who insists on complimenting Phil just to see him blush. 

Phil joins Alex on the bed, and Alex smiles. “I want cuddles; I’m still tired.”

“It’s the end of the season,” Phil says, making a face. “Who isn’t tired?”

“Cuddle me,” Alex says, more bratty than not, but Phil still hasn’t figured out how to say no to him and doesn’t even particularly want to. 

It takes them a moment, to sort out their limbs and figure out how to do this. They’ve shared rooms before on roadies, but they’ve never shared a bed. They end up on their sides facing each other, both in sweats and tee-shirts, comforter pulled up halfway. 

“How was your day, dear?” Alex asks, a shit-eating grin on his face.

Phil’s insides turn to mush a little bit—Alex is teasing, but he falls apart whenever Alex does anything, even if it’s a pet name used while joking around. Still, he manages to rally. “You saw me three hours ago.”

“A lot could have happened in three hours,” Alex says, blinking at Phil innocently. 

“Nothing happened, Alex. Why, did you do something in the three hours since we last saw each other, dear?” Phil asks, an attempt at giving Alex his own medicine. 

Alex’s face is definitely a little red, so Phil’s going to chalk it up as a win. “Nothing too terrible, but I thought you might have.”

“You’re definitely lying,” Phil says, because Alex has been known to pull pranks and cause trouble—nothing too terrible, just terribly inconvenient. 

Alex snickers. “You can’t make me tell you.”

“Are you sure?” Phil asks, shifting closer, now close enough that they’re sharing breath. “That I can’t?”

Part of him is shocked at his own daring, but Alex’s eyes flicker to Phil’s lips, which is about what he’d expected. Alex really is the opposite of subtle. “You play really dirty, Phil.”

“Not now,” Phil says, a little breathless anyway. “I just—it won’t be the same as real life.”

“I’m going to kiss you the next time we see each other, then,” Alex whispers, his breath ghosting over Phil’s lips. 

It would be so easy to lean in and close the distance, but Phil wants the reality before their mindscape. The details are always a little hazy in their dreams. 

“Okay,” he breathes, and then swallows, the words hitting a little bit after. 

Alex’s eyes are crinkled at the corners. “You should keep cuddling me anyway.”

* * *

Alex is grinning slyly at Phil when Phil answers the door. “I figured I could treat you to breakfast.”

Phil swallows. He knows what Alex promised in their dreams and he _wants_. “Let me get my wallet.”

“You don’t need it; I said I was treating you.”

“I’m getting it anyway,” Phil says, his resolve just barely holding in the face of Alex’s pout.

He stops by the kitchen to let his billet mom know that he’s leaving with Alex, and she shoos him off, already used to him going off with Alex. They’ve known for about a month now, and they were friends before, too. He’s out the door seconds later, wallet in hand, and Alex is already back in the car, because it’s still pretty cold, even though it’s March. 

“Usual place?” Alex asks, when Phil finally gets in. 

“That works,” Phil croaks. 

Alex’s grin is still a little bit too sly, but Phil isn’t going to broach the topic if Alex hasn’t said anything yet. He’s sure Alex will break first. Phil’s so lost in thought that he doesn’t even realize that Alex has parked the car until he hears Alex’s seatbelt clicking off. It’s early in the morning on a Saturday, so there’s only a couple of cars in the parking lot, probably all belonging to the employees. Phil undoes his seatbelt and reaches for the door. 

Alex doesn’t unlock the doors yet. “Hey, wait a minute.”

Phil turns, his hand still on the door. 

Alex leans in and kisses him, feather-light, there and gone in the blink of an eye. “I promised, right? When I saw you, I was going to kiss you.”

“You’re calling that a kiss?” Phil chirps. It was a nothing of a kiss, but his heart still stuttered in his chest. He’s still a little bit taken apart. This matters to him so much.

“I don’t think you want to get caught,” Alex says, soft but serious. Phil’s chest aches with fondness, sweet enough that it hurts. 

“You’re right,” Phil says, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want Alex closer than across the center console.

Alex cocks his head, and like he knows what Phil’s thinking, he grins. “C’mon, breakfast. We can decide what to do after.”

“You’re literally the worst, ever,” Phil says, but he’s smiling too brightly for Alex to even begin to take him seriously. 

Alex smirks. “But you love me.”

“I do,” Phil says, and he means it, not at all joking like Alex is. “I do love you.”

Alex’s cheeks are pink. “You can’t just—Phil—I love you too, and you know that, but seriously, you tell me now?” He throws out a hand, encompassing the parking lot, with stacks of dirty snow and slush everywhere.

“Breakfast,” Phil says, trying his best not to laugh even as his heart soars. “You promised.”

Alex groans and stomps ahead of him, but he’s just being showy about it; Phil can see the wide smile on his face when he catches up.

* * *

Phil is the one who sees their other soulmate first, the two of them sitting in a boat with fishing rods already in the water. It’s his soulmate’s dream; Phil has no idea how long he’s been there.

“We’re dating,” he says. "Me and our other one."

His soulmate grins at him. “I’m happy for you. You should know, he spent our last dream together talking about your last date.”

Phil knows he’s blushing. “And you know he’d do the same for you, whenever we actually end up meeting.”

His soulmate’s mouth twists. “About that.”

This doesn’t sound like it’s about to be a fun conversation. “What?” Phil asks, worried. 

“I think I want to ask someone out,” his soulmate says, looking out at the water instead of at Phil. 

Phil could be upset about it, but then again, him and Alex are actually dating, and they don’t know when they’re going to meet their third, who is obviously expecting them both to be upset, even though soulmates sometimes are platonic. He’s not going to wonder about what changed, because he knows that he’s held hands with this soulmate in his dreams, not just Alex. It might just be that he’s tired of waiting to meet Phil and Alex, or that he just treats both his soulmates affectionately.

“I hope it goes well,” Phil says, finally. He’s not upset, just confused, mostly.

“You’re okay with it?” his other soulmate asks, sounding far too relieved, like he was actually expecting Phil to be upset.

Phil looks at his soulmate. “You’re a catch, seriously. But I get it. We’re dating, but you haven’t even met us yet.”

“Will he be okay with it?”

Phil tries not to think about how Alex spent dinner discussing things they could do with their other soulmate, their legs pressed together under the table. He knows Alex loves him and has loved him for over a year, even before he knew one of his soulmates was someone he knew in real life, but he knows Alex has some kind of feelings for their other soulmate, too. Their other soulmate who’s planning to ask someone else out. 

“I think he’ll be okay,” Phil offers. “Let us know how it goes, okay?”

“I will,” his soulmate says, grinning exuberantly. 

* * *

Alex’s face is unreadable, when Phil tells him that their soulmate is going to ask someone else out. Phil’s pretty sure he’s upset, and that Phil shouldn’t be doing this in one of the less crowded hallways of the arena, but Alex had been talking more about a future with three, and Phil couldn’t help it. It'll be so much worse if Alex keeps building these dreams for three.

“I’m sorry,” Phil says, because he didn't ever want to be put in this situation, but if it turns out that Alex is the next one to dream with their third, he doesn't want it to go badly. 

Alex shrugs. “It’ll be okay.”

Which means it’s definitely not fine right now. Phil pulls Alex in by his belt loops and kisses him, light but still present. They really shouldn’t be doing this in the arena but Phil’s decided that he doesn’t give a fuck, not when Alex looks like that.

“It would be greedy of me to want both of you, anyway,” Alex says, a couple more kisses later, but Phil thinks he’s trying to convince himself more than Phil. 

“You have me,” Phil says, and kisses Alex again.

He maybe gets a little bit distracted, and doesn’t notice that someone’s there until it’s too late. 

“Oh,” he hears, and him and Alex spring apart, but it’s just Jér, who probably won’t rat them out. 

Jér looks between them and swallows. “I didn’t know you were going to be here.”

His face is pink and he can barely look them in the eye, his eyes skittering between the both of them, never lingering. 

Phil is embarrassed, a little, but Alex tucks himself into Phil’s side. “We’re soulmates.”

Jér blinks. “I didn’t know that.”

“We only found out a little while ago,” Phil says. 

“Yeah?” Jér asks, and there’s something pained in his expression. 

“We didn’t tell anyone,” Phil says. “It’s not because we don’t trust you, or anything like that.”

Jér shakes his head. “I didn’t think that. And I won’t tell anyone, really.”

There’s still something unreadable in his expression, but he’s already backing away. 

“That went badly,” Alex notes. 

“I’ll talk to him about it later,” Phil promises, and wraps an arm around Alex. “We should probably be going home, anyway. We're lucky it was Jér.”

* * *

Their soulmate’s been odd recently, but Alex has been seeing him more than Phil. But seeing him, now, Phil is almost positive that something is up. His soulmate is morosely doodling with the sidewalk chalk that they always have when they show up at Phil’s house.

Phil smiles at his other soulmate. “What’s wrong?”

His soulmate sighs, frustrated, runs a hand through unruly curls that look like they’d be soft to the touch. “Two of my best friends are soulmates out of nowhere. Romantic soulmates, too. I don’t think they were going to tell me, but I found out by accident and it’s just a lot, especially when the person I wanted to ask out is already dating someone else.”

“Are you sure they’re romantic?” Phil asks. 

“They’re dating. Now that I know, they don’t mind being affectionate near me,” his soulmate says, pouting. 

Phil doesn’t know what to say. “Is there a reason that’s a problem?”

His soulmate shrugs. “It’s—I know you and our other one say you know each other, and you’ve met and you're dating, and you’re waiting on me, but I just don’t know if I want to be romantic soulmates the way you two are.”

“We’d never force you,” Phil says vehemently. 

“No, I know,” Phil’s other soulmate backtracks immediately. “I know. It’s just that you’re both romantic, and so are my best friends on the team, and it feels weird that all of the people I’m closest to are already in love with each other, when I might want to be with people that aren’t my soulmates.”

And that doesn’t hurt Phil in the way his soulmate probably expects it to, but it sends a pang through his heart, remembering Alex’s soft voice every time he makes plans for the three of them. Alex loves Phil, but Alex loves their soulmate too. Loved them both when he thought they were the same person, and it would crush him, that their soulmate could look for someone else when Alex has only had eyes for the both of them. Phil understands, though. Some soulmates are platonic, but that doesn’t change the bond, doesn’t change that they’re soulmates. Deep down inside, he’s a little disappointed too, but it’s Alex who’s really head-over-heels for both of them, while Phil is all-in on Alex and waiting on their third.

“You’ll still be our soulmate, either way,” Phil says, finally. Firmly doesn't think about how Alex's heart is probably going to break. “My parents aren’t.”

“They’re not?” his soulmate asks, and he still looks upset, but it’s better now. 

Phil shakes his head. “Maman’s soulmate is one of her best friends, and I don’t think my dad ever met his.”

“Mine are,” his soulmate says, picking at blades of grass. “It’s hard, when your parents are romantic. Everyone thought my brother and his girlfriend are, too, and that just built the pressure, because everyone wants a fairy tale ending.”

“And you don’t want that kind of fairy tale?” Phil asks. 

His soulmate shrugs. “I don’t know yet. Obviously I love you both, but that doesn’t mean that I can love you like that, or that I’d want to be together like that. I mean, I don’t even know if we’re in the same place.”

“It would be funny, if all three of us ended up in the same place,” Phil agrees. 

Privately, he hopes it doesn’t happen, because it’ll hurt Alex, he’s sure of it.

* * *

Jér has been avoiding them, Phil's pretty sure. The thought hurts, because Jér was Phil's first friend on the Huskies, but when he thinks about it rationally, he guesses it's a little weird to him, that they're both suddenly soulmates. He's pretty sure it's less that they're romantic and more the fact that they're soulmates at all, but he's afraid to be wrong. Still, when he manages to get Jér alone, conveniently, both of them getting ice on an overnight, he can't help but ask. 

"You're really okay with me and Alex being soulmates?" 

Jér blinks at him, rapidly. "I am," he says. "It's just, you know, unexpected. I really am happy for both of you, though."

He does sound genuine, even though Phil still definitely gets the feeling that there's something Jér isn't telling him.

"How are things with yours?" Phil asks.

Jér sighs heavily, and Phil notices, guiltily, that there are pretty dark circles under his eyes. "One of them's pretty unhappy with me, right now. It's not great, but I think we'll get through it."

"Do you need to talk about it?" Phil asks. 

Jér's shoulders sag. "I really, really don't think you can do anything to make it better. We're having a disagreement, but I think we're going to get through it okay, and one of them is playing middle-man, or just, doesn't feel angry about my decision."

Phil bites his lip, because Jér looks miserable all of a sudden, like he's been trying to hide just how hurt he is but can't hold up any longer. Phil can't imagine any kind of situation where one of his soulmates is that unhappy, would do anything to make it so that Jér doesn't look that upset. He hardly knows what he's doing before he has his arms wrapped around Jér. "I'm sorry things suck with your soulmates, right now, but they'll come around, hopefully. I can't imagine anyone not loving you."

Jér looks stricken, when Phil pulls away. "Do you really believe that?" he asks, voice soft. 

Phil really, really does, and he tries to convey it through a glance as best he can. "I really do."

* * *

 Somehow, Phil’s brain has conjured up Jér’s billet place. They’re in the living room, and Phil is literally going to die of embarrassment. It would be one thing if it were Alex’s, but instead, it’s someone else’s place, someone who isn’t even his boyfriend. 

“You never told me how you and our other one got together,” his soulmate says. 

Phil is still embarrassed about his brain conjuring up Jér’s billets’ place, but as long as his soulmate doesn’t say anything, he’ll live through it. “It’s kind of a funny story,” he offers.

“That makes it better,” his soulmate says, getting comfortable on the couch. “Won’t you tell me?”

Phil laughs. “So we didn’t realize that there were three of us. He was asking me about a brother I didn’t have.”

His soulmate nods. “He kept asking after mine when he got hurt. I think he worries more for his siblings than he wants to say.”

“I think it’s more that Alex is pretty sure that he cares about them more than they do him, because he’s always away,” Phil says. 

“Alex?” his soulmate asks curiously. 

“You can hear names now?” Phil asks, excited. 

“You said our soulmate is Alex,” his soulmate says, eyes bright. “So then what’s yours?”

“Phil,” Phil says, breathier than it should be.

His soulmate freezes, going pale. “Not Phil Myers.”

“You know me?” Phil asks.

“No,” his soulmate says, in the most unconvincing tone possible. “No, I don’t. I have to go, I’m sorry.”

Phil is forced awake by the abrupt end of his dream. He needs to talk to Alex right now, but he can’t, because Alex is still asleep. Phil’s learned, in the weeks since, that Alex tries to sleep in whenever he can, but he calls and leaves a message anyway.

“He knows us,” Phil says quietly, hunched over and staring into his coffee mug like it has answers. He’d waited until Alex called him back, and now here they are, sitting in their favorite restaurant, eating breakfast like nothing’s changed.

“So?” Alex asks, cutting his waffles into pieces before he proceeds to drown them in syrup. 

“He was lying about it,” Phil says. “He didn’t give me his name, just heard yours, heard mine, asked if I were Phil Myers, and then forced me out, saying he didn’t know either of us.”

Alex puts his cutlery down. “You think he doesn’t want in on this?” 

Phil’s heart hurts, because it would be so easy to have another person here, with them, in this cheerful booth, legs pressed together under the table laden with breakfast foods. Another person to laugh with him as Alex drowns his food in a ridiculous amount of syrup, and another person who they’d trade food with. It would be easy to lie, but Phil’s always been pretty honest. “I don’t think he minds us being together, and I don’t think he minds us being soulmates at all. I don’t think he wants to be romantic soulmates, though.”

Alex is silent for a very long moment, and then, like Phil hasn’t said anything at all, he picks up his knife and fork and goes back to cutting apart his waffles. If it’s a little more violent than before, well, Phil can’t blame him. “He wasn’t always like that.”

“He seemed pretty clear on it when we talked,” Phil says. 

Alex sighs and looks up at Phil. “I asked him, once, really early on in this mess, if he wanted to be dating, or romantic, so I could set my expectations. It’s about a fifty-fifty split in my family, between the ones who could be and the ones who aren’t. And even in the ones who could be, or the ones who tried it, most of them couldn’t make it work. I didn’t come into this expecting anything.”

That’s definitely not true anymore, and Phil opens his mouth to say something, but Alex barrels on. “He said he wanted to try, at least, and he was sincere. So I framed this—all of it, both you and him, because this was before I knew you were two people—as something that was going to happen, but maybe not work out in the long run. I don’t think I can truly believe that he was never into it. Something changed, Phil. He just didn’t tell us, and now we’re here.”

Alex is scowling down at his plate, which doesn’t deserve it, but Phil gets it. “You think there’s someone else?”

Alex looks up and shrugs. “That’s my best guess. Or something else happening that he doesn’t feel comfortable telling us about, that changed his mind. I don’t think it’s just knowing who we are; you said he was already unsure.”

* * *

Jér's been twitchy, the last couple of weeks, which is why it's as surprising as anything to have him at the door to Alex's billets, but it's still fine. Phil and Alex were mostly half-asleep, trying to plan the logistics of visiting each other, but Jér still looks awkward once he's actually up in Alex's room, his eyes flickering between the rumpled bed and their face. Alex's hair is already a mess, and Phil considers neatening it, but Jér's already seen them, there's no point. 

"Surprised you're not home already," Alex says, grinning. 

Jér doesn't smile back the way he usually does, always excited to be going home. He's close to his family, Phil knows. 

He keeps opening and closing his mouth, and it hits Alex then, that this is something important. His smile fades slowly, and he looks to Phil, because Phil has known Jér longer. Phil doesn't have an answer for this one, but Jér seems to get himself together then. 

"I have to tell you something," Jér says, still not quite looking at either of them. He's quiet for a long moment before he plunges on, suddenly going into a tumble of words that Phil can barely process, but he thinks if he stops Jér, Jér will just stay quiet. "My sister's name is Amélie, and she's the youngest. You've seen, by now, that Zach gets hurt a lot, but so does Emile. I have two soulmates, and they started dating each other a couple of months ago, and a little while ago, I found out they were both on my team, and I know I should've told you then, but we've been halfway here for so long—"

Alex's eyebrows just keep rising, until that last point. "You're so dumb," he says fondly. "Shut up, Jér."

"Did you know?" Phil asks, because there isn’t a single bit of surprise in Alex’s voice, while Phil feels like someone told him that actually, the sky is purple. 

Alex isn't quite looking at Phil, but he's looking at Jér, who's actually looking back at him, which feels like a first in this conversation. "You know, I asked Zach about your siblings' names the other day. Didn't get time to talk to Phil about it, but really, you should've told us."

"I'm telling you now," Jér says, and Phil hates the way he sounds, small.

"You're still ours in any way you want to be," Phil says, for the both of them, knowing Alex agrees. “Why didn’t you tell us before?”

“Because he was falling in love with us, the real us, not the soulmates in his dreams,” Alex says, head cocked, eyes pinned to Jér. “Right? And then he panicked when he found out we were the same.”

“You always pick the most inconvenient times to be smart,” Jér complains, but there’s a fragile smile hovering around his mouth. There’s a story there, probably from their shared dreams, that Phil isn’t in on, but he wants to know. He thinks they’ll have time to know, now.

He makes a decision. “You should join us, then. We were trying to plan when to visit each other in the summer, and you should be here for that.”

“Yeah?” Jér asks, hopeful. 

“In case it wasn’t obvious enough, we do love you,” Alex says, eyes intense. “I don’t know if this will last, but I want it to. And you missed how upset Phil was, after the last time you both dreamed together.”

He’s not wrong, but Phil wishes he wouldn’t say it like that. Jér’s smiling, though, small but real, so Phil just shrugs. 

“The entry fee for helping us with planning out the summer is a kiss each, by the way,” Alex says, grinning. 

“You are literally the worst,” Phil says, but he’s laughing anyway.

“You could just say that you want me to kiss you,” Jér says, at almost the same time, before leaning in and kissing Alex, short and sweet. They look good together, even if it’s a short kiss. 

Phil meets Jér halfway when Jér raises his eyebrows in a clear challenge, and it’s Jér who breaks away from the kiss first, keeping it just as short and sweet as Alex’s. But then again, Phil is always weak for kisses, especially from his soulmates, and he feels overwhelmed with fondness.  He’s so glad that this is going to work out, that he gets both of his soulmates with an arrangement that they’re all happy with.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic] To see you without closing my eyes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19795228) by [Annapods](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annapods/pseuds/Annapods)




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